Mind Tricks
by Sayan14
Summary: After a strange attack Goku wakes up in a strange place, yet all his companions are there.What do you mean youkai don't exist? Pairing:39Conflicting Realites and an evil pervert.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki!

Title: Mind tricks

Chapter one:

Somewhere in the deepest forest screams of battle and gurgles of death could be heard. The dark night was illuminated by strong blasts of chi hurtling towards an enemy followed by magical bullets cutting through the night and a youkai or two.

" Sanzo! Leave some for me, will ya!", a putout teenage voice belonging to Son Goku called out.

" If you'd move your monkey ass a little faster then I wouldn't have to do all the work!", the 'great' Sanzo-sama, leader of the group of fighters, yelled back furiously.

A mocking snicker was heard from the longhaired Water sprite, Sha Gojyo.

" Monkey ass..", he chuckled loudly so Goku would hear. " I should start calling you that instead of monkey face since there's no difference anyway."

Enraged by this remark the little monkey tried to attack his companion but was hindered by all the youkai still waiting to be killed.

" Now, now." the healer and calmest of the group, Cho Hakkai, said, "We should concentrate on the task at hand."

Sanzo ignored the three idiots. He was busy thinking about this strange attack.

No matter how many youkai they killed three more replaced them. Wave upon wave of attackers crashed down on them. Ever since they had entered this forest two days ago the young priest couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched. Someone different from their previous enemies was going to attack them and this fight was obviously meant as a distraction.

" This is getting boring!" Goku exclaimed.

" Thought you liked fighting, monkey." Gojyo remarked.

" Yeah but this is a little over the top." Goku replied and quickly added, "Don't call me a monkey!"

A dark figure suddenly appeared a few metres behind Goku holding a strange glowing orb.

" Goku look out!" Hakkai screamed; the first to see this new threat and identifying its target.

"Huh?", Goku said confused turning quickly but all his speed was not enough. The orb had already been thrown and when it hit, Goku was paralysed by unbearable pain as a sickly green glow engulfed him. Then everything went black.

Finally regaining consciousness Goku was confused by the strange heaviness that kept his limbs immobile and made it feel impossible to open his eyes. He could hear a continuous buzzing sound filling his unknown surroundings and felt a tube of some sort in his throat.

With a great amount of effort Goku pried his eyes open and looked around, only able to slightly move his head from to side.

He was in a completely white room built up very simply. His bed was the centre of the room to his right was a small white closet. By the window also on the right that had its drapes down were one small table and one chair. The door was to his left and became the only interesting thing in the room.

All he had to do was get up, take this annoying tube out of his mouth, leave through the door and find Hakkai to tell him ' where the hell he was!'

As always, things are easier said then done. Lifting his hand to the tube in order to pull it out was almost painful due to his muscles being so stiff. Finally getting a hold of the tube left him with no energy to actually pull it out. He knew the last attack was a bad one but this weakness was getting pathetic.

Where was he? And more importantly where were the others? Hakkai had always been by his bedside whenever he was injured. Always, and when he had to leave for a bit then he'd force Goyjo to take his place.

He knew Goku didn't like waking up alone and this time he certainly didn't like it because he wasn't in some inn but…well….he didn't know where.

The more frustrated he became with his incorporating body and the unanswered questions in his mind the faster the beeping in the room became. Exhausted he gave up. Black specks already dominated his vision. Vaguely he heard the rain from outside. Great now when Sanzo comes he will not only be mad at him for getting injured but also let out his frustrations of the weather on the so called stupid monkey.

The next time Goku woke up was to bright sunlight shinning in his eyes and unfamiliar voices shouting too loudly for his pounding head to deal with. Raising his hand to his face Goku was able to open his eyes fully and stare at the two similar looking teenagers who had disturbed his sleep before realizing that

one: He could move his arms without pain or effort….and

two: That damn tube was gone.

His sore throat however was not.

" Nick! Close the blinds! He can't see us properly!", the girl sitting on his bed said. A moment later the blinding light was gone and Goku took his hand from shielding his eyes.

" Hey man! How are you feeling?", the boy presumably Nick asked coming closer to the bed.

"Uhm….well, I kinda have a headache.", Goku croaked uncertainly.

His mouth was so dry he could hardly speak. The girl passed him a glass of water, which he thankfully accepted

" So..uhm.." Goku started feeling very nervous with the two staring at him so intensely.

"Who are you and where am I?" The girl gasped shocked.

"You don't remember us? US, of all people." she whispered a little melodramatically.

" Don't worry 'sis! If we introduce ourselves properly it will soon jog his memory." Nick said arrogantly.

They both went to the end of the bed and took a crouched pose. Goku had to lean on his elbows to see them. Suddenly the girl jumped up and twirled around herself.

" Our light shines brighter than the morning star." Then the boy jumped up and twirled in the other direction. " Envied and loved by all but there can only be one set of…"

"Glamour twins!" they yelled together much to Goku's dismay.

"I am Nick"..."And I, the beautiful, Nicky!"

Right, either Goku was dead and in hell or completely bonkers. Coming back to his bedside Nicky asked. "Remember us now?"

"Not really.", Goku muttered. "We can do it again.", Nick said. "NO!", Goku yelled.

They looked at him confused "It's okay. Why don't you just tell me where I am?"

Nicky looked insulted. "Well, if you're going to be like that. We're your friends from high school and you're in a hospital."

High school? What was that? Goku knew of schools so was a high school on a mountain or something? A Hospital….hmmm(Saru –thinking mode)

Oh, yes Hakkai had told him about hospitals once. They were a place where several doctors worked together and could therefore help more injured or sick people.

Wasn't that something brand new and very rare?

But why was he here? And why were these strange people claiming to be his friends?

"You want to know why you're in hospital?", Nick asked. Goku nodded.

"You were in a coma for six whole months!" Nicky wailed with tears in her eyes.

"What does punctuation have to do with hospitals?" Goku asked confusion.

Nick slapped his forehead. "A coma, not a comma! Man you must have had brain damage after all. A coma is when you sleep for a very long time and can't wake up."

Goku's face grew pale. "Six months?" Goku whispered. They wouldn't have waited that long.

They couldn't have waited that long. He was alone. Sanzo had left him.

The door opened revealing a bad-tempered looking nurse. Her facial expression made Goku think she was sucking on a lemon or something.

"Visitors out! That's enough excitement for one day." she said then came up to Goku's bedside carrying a thermometer and some colourful pills.

Obediently the annoying Glamour twins left the room calling out how everyone at school would be glad to have him back.

The nurse stuck the thermometer in Goku's mouth and checked his pulse rate.

" Your fever's high enough to keep you in bed but nothing to get worried about.", the nurse said mechanically. "The doctor will come and you see you later on. Have you been to the bathroom yet?"

Goku didn't understand why that was any of her business but answered truthfully anyway.

"No."

The nurse looked even more annoyed. "Take your pills and then I'll take you."

The trip to the bathroom had been extremely embarrassing.

The nurse saying in her emotionless way that there was nothing she hadn't seen before didn't ease Goku's nerves but made him feel worse. Lying exhausted on his bed after the small trek he now understood why she had helped him.

His legs were still very stiff and he could hardly use them. Standing without support proved to be a very bad idea.

Glancing to the closet that strangely enough had no doors Goku spotted a set of clothes. He dragged himself there and grabbed them before falling back on the bed again. A plastic card fell out of one of the Jeans' pockets. Examining it Goku realized that it was just like Sanzo's Gold card except this one was green.

Maybe it had a money limit on it or something. Sanzo must have left it here for him.

On second thoughts Hakkai must have nagged Sanzo to leave it here for him.

Goku put on the Jeans and red t-shirt with a small crocodile on it- he really couldn't work out what crocodiles had to do with t-shirts- and carefully made his way to the door.

If he went slowly and could hold onto something then Goku more or less managed to stay upright.

His legs tingled with every step and he hoped it meant that his legs would be working properly soon. After checking that no one was around he slipped out of the room into the white hallway.

All he had to do was get out of this building and find the others. Couldn't be that hard. He knew where they were going after all.

Using the wall to support him Goku headed down the corridor hoping to find an exit some time soon. A different nurse came round the corner but luckily paid no attention to him.

Finally reaching the end of the corridor he was face to face with two metal doors that had blinking buttons.

He remembered these contraptions being lifts and that he hadn't particularly liked them. Gojyo had once dragged him to a really big casino, which had had lots of lifts, and Goku had felt very uncomfortable in the tight space.

Taking another look around he realized that the dreaded lifts were his only option out of here.

A welcoming 'ping' announced the arrive of a lift and Goku quickly made his way over. Inside he pressed the button for the ground floor and then slid down the wall at the back.

Crouched down with his arms around his knees the small space was easier to handle and Goku didn't think he had the strength to stand for seven floors anyway.

Resting his head against his knees Goku started thinking about how he was going to get out of this mess.

What if he couldn't find them? Or what if they had died? Maybe they had already accomplished the mission and parted ways assuming he was dead or finding it too annoying to check? And, man, was he HUNGRY!

Goku was so consumed in his thoughts that he didn't notice arriving at the ground floor or the stranger entering and putting the lift in motion for the upper floors again.

The other occupant of the lift crouched in front of him.

" Are you lost little monkey?"

Not believing his ears said 'little monkey' looked up and stared with a bewildered expression at his companion.

"GOJYO!" , he screamed loudly and lunged at Gojyo pushing him on his backside with a lap full of monkey.

Hugging the kappa for all he was worth Goku was surprised to be so happy to see the damn cockroach again. After unsuccessfully trying to loosen Goku's grip from around his neck Gojyo gave up escaping and hugged the monkey back.

They stayed like that for several minutes, which confused Goku. Usual the others would get annoyed with his clingy attitude and push him away.

"How are you?", Gojyo asked gently. Goku pulled away.

" I'm fine." Gojyo frowned at him.

"You look like shit, man. Honestly how are you?"

" I'm fine!"

Gojyo placed the back of his hand against the monkey's forehead. Goku swatted it away.

" It's just a fever! Stop acting like Hakkai!"

Gojyo didn't look happy. "I don't think you should be out of bed, yet. We heard you'd only just woken up late last night."

" You can't think, stupid cockroach." Goku said annoyed. "It was weird there and I had to find you guys. You know what happened to Sanzo and Hakkai don't you?"

" Happened? Nothing's happened to them, monkey. Are you delusional or something?"

Goku frowned at him. Stupid kappa was being more awkward on purpose.

" I mean where they are, dumbass!"

The elevators opened before Gojyo could respond and a familiar voice drew Goku out of the lift.

"WHAT THE F DO MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS?"

" It is very unusual to lose a comatose patient don't you think?",

Hakkai said tightly his own anger and annoyance very clear even in his politer and quieter way of putting it than Sanzo's.

Rushing forwards Goku forget about his unsteady legs and was soon heading towards the floor. Luckily Gojyo was quick enough to catch him. Flashing him a grateful smile Goku called out in his excitement.

"Sanzo! Hakkai! Over here!"

Goku couldn't believe it they were actually all here. Had they defeated Gyumaoh and come back for him? Oh, great he'd missed the big battle! Sanzo and Gojyo would never stop rubbing that in.

Sanzo and Hakkai came rushing round the corner and stared open mouthed at the very awake Goku.

" Hey I found this monkey hanging around in the lifts can we keep him?", Gojyo joked grinning at the other two's amazement.

" Who are you calling monkey, you stupid cockroach!" Their argument went no further since Hakkai had the monkey in a bear hug.

" Goku you mustn't run away like that! You had us all worried sick!"

"I'm sorry, Hakkai! I was looking for you, guys, I thought you'd gone without me and I wouldn't be able to find you."

Holding Goku at arms length Hakkai asked confused.

"Gone where Goku?"

"West, of course."

Sanzo approached the small group and Goku's attention was fully focused on his keeper, not noticing the other two's worried stare.

Hugging Sanzo around the waist Goku started to blabber everything out he knew his keeper would find silly to hear while waiting for the paper fan to strike down again.

" Sanzo I missed you sooo much and I'm really hungry. Can you go eat? You'll tell me about everything that happened won't, you? I'm really glad you're here, Sanzo."

The paper fan should have hit him by now.

Looking up Goku was surprised to meet emotional violet eyes staring longingly back.

Then Sanzo patted him on the head. Maybe Sanzo had missed him.

It sounded so weird that Goku soon dismissed the thought. Stepping back Goku grinned up at him like an idiot until he noticed Sanzo's strange clothing.

"Your clothes in the wash or something Sanzo?"

" Stupid monkey! What are you on about?"

Sanzo was wearing Jeans and a black top with a white square in his collar.

"Where's your sutra? It wasn't destroyed in the battle was it?"

That would be terrible. The sutra was the only thing Sanzo had to remind him of his late master.

Sanzo felt his forehead. "You've got a fever ,damn monkey, no wonder you're talking gibberish.! This is why you shouldn't be wondering around."

He then decided to give the doctors and personal a piece of his mind for letting his monkey get in such a state.

Baffled Goku turned to Hakkai and Gojyo. Looking at them more closely he noticed that they didn't exactly look right either.

Hakkai was wearing glasses instead of a monocle and had a worn looking brown suit on.

Gojyo's hair was the same length but looking more closely at the roots he noticed black mixing with the red.

Something was very off here.

" Sutra, pah. The only thing that corrupt catholic priest should have with him is the bible and I doubt he's ever actually read it.", Gojyo said mockingly. Lucky for him Sanzo wasn't listening.

Catholic? Sanzo wasn't catholic!

" Goku are you alright?", Hakkai asked.

"..Uhm…I..", Goku stuttered. "Where's Jeep?"

Hakkai laughed. "He's at home, of course. Dogs aren't allowed in hospitals."

Dog?

Completely confused Goku took a cautious step back.

"Sanzo I want to go. Can we go eat, please ?" The desperation was clear in Goku's voice.

Everything would be normal again once they were out of here.

" Goku you can't leave until you're better and unfortunately only one of these incompetent doctors can decide that." Sanzo said gently.

"No, Hakkai can. So let's go, I'm really hungry!"

"Goku I'm no healer."

"Of course you are!", Goku screamed confusing his companions even more. Panic shown in his eyes. This was all wrong! What the hell was going on?

This person looked like Sanzo, had the same aura as Sanzo but he wasn't Sanzo and still was. It made no sense.

A doctor came forward. "We were afraid of this. It seems during his coma, his mind created his own reality and now he can not handle reality."

" I'll show you reality with my fist in a minute if you don't start making sense!", Goku yelled.

" Goku, please calm down.", Hakkai said taking a step towards the distressed youth who took several shaky steps back. Hitting the wall with his back Goku slid down it all the time mumbling nonsense. " Jeep's a dragon not a dog and Sanzo's a Buddhist and none of you are making sense."

Sanzo crouched down in front of the close to tears monkey.

"Sanzo I don't feel so good and I don't know what's going on", Goku whispered.

Hugging him Sanzo answered.

"We'll sort it out. Trust me, Goku."

And that was all Goku do for the time being. Trust Sanzo like he always had.

TBC.

Man that took ages to write. I'll start appreciating the long fics more after that.

Well hope you like it. BYE


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki.

Chapter two:

Glaring at the stupid looking toy bunny Goku shifted uncomfortably in his hospital bed. The owner of this bunny, which was allegedly meant to keep Goku calm – personally Goku thought this creep got a kick out of the toy – was making notes about the questions Goku had been forced to answer.

After finding his world completely upside down he had been persuaded by all three of his companions to return to his bed and take the medication the doctors gave him.

They didn't mention the medication being stupid sedatives!

Goku slept most of the day and when he woke up late afternoon he was given some soup.

Of course our bottomless pit monkey wanted something a bit more substantial but soon found out his stomach wasn't ready for such things.

So here he was, no clue about what was going on with a creepy doctor called Nii or something who claimed to be a psychiatrist.

Whatever that meant.

Hadn't Sanzo once said a psychiatrist was a doctor for the mind?

Why would he need a psychiatrist? There was nothing wrong with his mind!

A voice in his head that sounded exactly like Gojyo's whispered that there was nothing 'right' with his mind and Goku had to suppress the urge to yell at the kappa.

Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo were sitting in the back of the room listening to the 'session'.

The doctor thought they were there to make sure Goku didn't 'flip out' again but the monkey knew they were there to keep an eye on the creepy doctor….and his bunny.

While Nii was still looking at his notes and considering his next question Goku took another closer look at his companions.

He had thought maybe they were fakes created by an enemy to confuse him but they didn't feel fake.

Goku could sense an impostor. These people were his companions but they had somehow lead a completely different life.

" So Goku , let me check that I have understood everything." , Nii began pulling Goku out of his thoughts.

" You are an eighteen year old earth-spirit born out of a rock who sinned against heaven and was therefore imprisoned in a mountain for five hundred years. A Buddhist monk saved you from this prison and you are currently on a quest along with this monk, a half-breed and a human turned youkai to the West so to stop the forbidden resurrection of an evil youkai called Gyumaoh."

Goku nodded his affirmative. He hadn't wanted to tell this guy so much but Hakkai and also Sanzo had insisted that he answer truthfully.

They seemed so anxious to hear his answers. Goku just didn't have the heart to refuse their requests.

" How do you travel to the West?", Nii asked.

" In Jeep." , Goku answered shortly.

" Jeep is the pet of your friend Hakkai, is he not?" Goku nodded.

" So you travel in a dog? Is the dog very big or does he have some kind of powers?"

The way Nii said it made Goku think he was making fun of him.

" Jeep's not a dog, he's a dragon and he can turn into a car. Are we done yet?"

Goku glanced to three sitting in the back of the room. Their faces were grave and more unhappy with the situation than at the beginning.

Nii smiled creepily at Goku. " Just a little bit longer. Tomorrow we can get to the serious part."

Again Goku had to suppress an urge. The urge to punch the creepy quack and get the hell out of here.

" What's your relationship to your companions like?"

" Why is that important?" , Goku asked suspiciously. What if the enemy was trying to find their weaknesses with all these questions.

He would not get a damn good thrashing from Sanzo for being that incredibly stupid!

" Sanzo freed you, did he not?" , Nii asked ignoring Goku's question.

" Yeah.", Goku said uneasily. He didn't like the sudden glow in this guy's eyes.

" You must be very grateful. So many years without a single soul. Isn't it hard to not mistake gratitude for something more?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hakkai put a consoling hand on Sanzo's shoulder and say something that stopped the monk turned priest from grinding his teeth audibly.

" What do you mean?" What the hell was guy implying?

" Is your relationship of a sexual kind?"

Goku stared at him blankly. He then silently got out of his bed and headed for the door.

" I'll be waiting downstairs.", he called over his shoulder to Gojyo who was the only one of the three paying attention to the monkey.

Hakkai was trying to stop Sanzo from strangling the psychiatrist.

Gojyo quickly left his seat and closed the door before Goku could leave.

" Touchy subject, I see.", Nii croaked finally free of Sanzo's hold.

" Let me out, Gojyo.", Goku said sternly.

" Not until we've sorted this." Hands on both of Goku's shoulders he stirred the only half reluctant monkey back to the bed.

Leaning against the wall behind him, Gojyo stayed by the bedside showing Nii that he also disapproved of the last question.

Clearing his throat Nii continued.

" Last question Goku, promise.", he said holding his bunny up in an 'I swear' motion.

Goku didn't respond just stared at his feet dangling from the bedside.

He'd had enough of this. They'd been doing this nonsense for over an hour now and he still didn't understand why the others didn't remember or how he'd ended up here either.

"What year is it, Goku?"

Goku frowned. How should he know? He never kept track of years. It never seemed important.

" Dunno. 1150 or 1160 or something. I ask Hakkai about these things.", Goku said annoyed.

( I don't know what year Saiyuki is based in or if it is based in proper years at all but the point here is, Goku's out of date by a few centuries.)

Smiling wickedly Nii retorted: " Interesting, however it is actually 2005."

Goku shrugged.

" I'm afraid there's more I should tell you and it may come as a bit of a surprise.

You're the sixteen year old son of one of the world's richest and most powerful men.

Already stepping into his footsteps you became a nuisance to several important people who have been known for criminal activities. You fell into a coma after a very skilled assassin tried to kill you.

I believe he pushed you out of a building, did he not?"

The last part was addressed to the others in the room. Goku snickered.

" You expect me to believe that nonsense. I've only been in a coma for six months. Why would I have memories of the last five hundred years!"

" Goku, youkai don't exist.", Nii said sternly.

" You've been talking to one for the last hour.", Goku responded glaring daggers at the psychiatrist.

'This guy needs his mind looked at, not me!', Goku thought bitterly.

" Have you looked out of the window yet?", Nii asked out of the blue.

Frowning Goku looked to his companions. Just as confused Gojyo motioned to him to go ahead.

Climbing over his bed Goku headed to the window and opened the drapes while still glaring at Nii. He didn't trust this guy as far as that stupid bunny could throw him.

A little reluctantly Goku turned his back on Nii and looked out of the window.

His eyes widened. To say he was surprised at what he saw would have been the biggest understatement of the year.

Huge, grey buildings some as tall as the one he was in and some towering over the hospital stared back at him. Looking down he saw a very wide and long street completely packed with cars and bicycles.

Goku opened the window and leaned out to get a better look. He could see various shops on the ground floors of the buildings and lots of people going in and out of them.

His gaze wondered to the horizon in hope of finding something familiar in this place.

He vaguely noted an arm wrap around his waist as he unconsciously leaned further out of the window finally spotting the setting sun.

Half expecting the sun to have turned green in this world Goku leaned back into the room with a relieved sigh.

So they were in a big town. A very big town, one of the likes Goku didn't even know existed.

Sure he'd seen big towns before but not with so many tall buildings. He'd also seen cars, 'real' cars unlike Jeep, but only one or two and certainly not at the same time.

" Stupid monkey!", Sanzo said from behind Goku obviously being the one who had kept Goku from falling out. " Did you get such a kick out of falling out of building six months ago that you want to repeat it now?"

Goku only half listened to his keeper's scoulding, too lost in his own confused thoughts.

"Do I have your full attention now?", Nii asked smugly. Goku decided not to bother responding.

" While you were in a coma your mind created your own little world. It seems that all your memories of this life are sealed, at least for the moment. Time can only tell if you are able to retain them.", Nii paused for a moment before continuing in a sterner voice.

" Goku you must listen to me very carefully." Goku looked up at him uncertainly.

" Youkai do not exist. The life you remember never happened."

Goku shook his head weakly. His stomach was doing summersaults and the more the psychiatrist said the more his head pounded.

" It never happened." , Nii repeated at Goku's resistance. " It was all a creation of your mind."

"Liar!", Goku yelled. "It did happen. Youkai do exist and I can prove it."

Nii smirked at him. "Can you, now. Do tell."

"My diadem. My diadem is prove enough because without it I wouldn't be in human form!"

He didn't think it wise to tell them that without his diadem he'd go berserk and kill everything in sight.

Nii's grin widened.

"Goku." , Hakkai said carefully. "You're not wearing a diadem."

His face turning deathly pale in fear Goku reached up to his forehead.

There was no diadem.

Nothing to stop the monster within him from escaping.

Nothing to save others to, more importantly, save his loved ones from his uncontrollable bloodlust.

But……..nothing happened.

Had he woken up without it being there?

Had he been wondering around without it for hours?

He would have changed. The second the diadem was removed he painfully changed form.

It had always, Always, been that way. No matter how hard he fought it.

And yet….

This was all impossible.

The shock of finding his forehead diadem less and that he hadn't changed youkai sent a wave of dizziness through Goku's system.

Stumbling backwards he felt Sanzo catch him.

He could vaguely hear the concerned calls of Gojyo and Hakkai.

The arms around him tightened, signalling Sanzo's own concern.

A hand clutching his spinning head, and after several deep breaths, Goku managed to look up at Nii again as he spoke.

" Don't worry, gentlemen, it's just the shock of reality slowly seeping through. That's a good sign. The sooner he accepts his current memories being fake the sooner he can heal."

In a dark and lonesome hospital room lay the dejected form of a young monkey.

Three days had past since awakening from his coma.

Three days of pure confusion.

Nii had spent most of the days with him. Telling him about his life in reality and then connecting what happened in his coma to how he felt and was treated in the real world.

At the age of twelve Goku had been adopted by the famous business man Izumi Takeshi. Izumi had been in search of an heir and being an orphan himself decided to take one of his 'own kind' in.

He had first seen Goku in an argument including fists with some of the older orphans who had been making fun of him and Izumi believed Goku's fighting spirit to be exactly what his empire needed.

However Goku hadn't wanted to be adopted. His older half brother Sha Gojyo was at the same orphanage but Izumi had no need for two heirs.

Soon after Gojyo had also been adopted and lived happily with his 'new' brother Jien.

At this point Nii had thrown in an interpretation. Gojyo's mother trying to kill him mirrored

Izumi's refusal to adopt Gojyo. Jien saving Gojyo showed Goku's joy for his brother finding a family but the immediate leave of Sha Jien proved the monkey's jealousy of their brotherly bond.

Nii liked going on and on about all the connections, most of it going above Goku's head.

What he understood was that he and his brother were having difficulties.

Big difficulties. For instance they hadn't spoken for a year, before Goku's accident.

Goku liked the idea of having a blood relative very much. It being the cockroach who he felt for like a brother anyway(though he'd never admit this to Gojyo.) made the whole thing even better.

Next, Hakkai entered his life as Goku's after school private teacher who prepared him for his future business life and made sure Goku's marks were the best of the best.

The famous Izumi could not have a simpleton as a son!

Goku had befriended Hakkai but his teacher had never opened himself fully to the youth.

Always keeping secrets and trying to bring their relationship back to a teacher-pupil one.

Kanan was Hakkai's wife and cousin. She being Hakkai's sister in his coma showed Goku's dislike of the close blood relation or so Nii said and after everything that had been happening Goku decided he probably knew best.

The murder of a thousand youkai had on the other hand been a little mystery to Nii. Luckily Hakkai was able to relate to that, telling them how he'd once completely lost his temper with one of Goku's favourite teachers and slapped him across the face for his irresponsibility while Goku was in the same room. Hakkai hadn't ever talked to Goku about his actions giving the boy the impression of a man full of hate.

When Goku had made a face at the 'favourite' Nii clarified the statement. Teachers who give no homework, give grades away like candy and tell jokes with their pupils.

Goku's life had been mainly defined by the absence of his 'father'. Even now after awakening from a serious coma his father had yet to pay him a visit.

The carefree, mischievous, little monkey had soon been replaced by a boastful and heartless business man who took what he wanted when he wanted.

(Hence the problem with Gojyo)

During the struggle of being himself and becoming what Izumi wanted him to be, Goku had met Sanzo…or more preciously Sanzo had found Goku.

After running away from home Goku had been surviving on the streets for about a week until some punks beat him up for the heck of it and dumped him in a cave like hole in the middle of an abandoned building site.

Of course this building site was only a block away from Sanzo's church.

The priest had taken good care of Goku in his own rough way and had become the most important person in Goku's life.

Giving him the attention Goku so craved for and enjoying his silly antics.

(Though I'm certain Sanzo would shoot someone for even assuming this)

That is until the rumours had started.

Rumours about how the young boy of Izumi kept visiting a good looking 'Catholic' priest

and spent many hours alone with him, just talking. 'Just talking' always leaked with sarcasm when people talked about this.

(this is a nasty hint but people are cruel and rumours hold a small amount of truth and this is just a story so don't hit me!)

Sighing frustrated Goku rolled off his bed and looked out of the window. It was raining. Again.

The rain had no effect on his companions but made the little monkey feel even worse whenever seeing it.

Their pain had been his fault, his weird imagination. All the signs of fate and destiny had been thrown in by his desperate need to belong somewhere without being shoved into a corner like an old toy.

He was extremely tired but dared not fall asleep. To top all the stress of his whole life being a creation of his own imagination Goku was having nightmares.

Strange unexplainable nightmares.

He was floating. Floating in green liquid with lots of wires running through his veins and a mask over his mouth and nose. In this dream his thoughts were always very cloudy and the wires felt like they were sucking the life out of him.

Through the glass holding him and the green liquid inside Goku could make out a half destroyed looking laboratory. Then a man appeared.

He couldn't ever remember what this man looked like even though he always got a clear view of him in the dream.

This man pulled a leaver and the feeling of his life being sucked out grew unbearably stronger until Goku woke up screaming.

Nii told him not to interpret too much into it. It was only a dream.

Strange sentence coming from him.

Goku jumped at the knock on his door before telling the person to come in. He half dreaded it was one of his friends and half anticipated their next visit.

However he didn't expect the 'gory twins' or whatever they called themselves.

"Goku! We're back!", Nicky yelled excitedly. "We came straight from school and brought something so you'll remember us again."

"Yeah, man. It's from your latest event.", Nick said coming in and waving a rectangular black thing.

"uhm..What's..", Goku began before Nii entered the room pushing a T.V and black box in.

"It's a video, Goku. It has film from cameras on it which you can watch on T.V."

Goku nodded his understanding and thanks.

Nii had explained Televisions to him the day before.

After everything was set up Nii left Goku with his 'little friends'.

"So ….guys..", Goku said nervously. He couldn't help it, these two gave him the creeps.

Nick and Nicky built up a row of chairs in front of the T.V and Goku was naturally put in the middle. He felt even more locked in than he did in the lift.

"What are we going to watch?"

" You, of course." , Nicky giggled attaching herself to his arm.

" It's from your latest press conference. Our school wanted a new sports hall for extra curriculum activities. It didn't have to be near the school but still in a respectable area and you found us just the right spot.", Nick explained grinning happily.

Getting impatient with all the talk Nicky turned the video on. With eyes wide open in disbelief Goku watched the whole scene unfold itself and worked out a connection to his coma without Nii's assistance.

The video showed him where his evil counterpart Seiten Taisei had come from.

TBC

Cliffhanger! Hurray! Yes I know it's not a very big one but I thought it might keep you all interested.

Well, now I'd like to sincerely thank everyone who reviewed my last chapter.

It was reeeeeeaaaallly nice of you and I do appreciate it, a lot by the way.

Right, now to this chapter a comment or two.

I threw Nii in because I needed a creepy bastard and he was just made for the part, so I burrowed him.

There's a slight hint of Goku-Sanzo in this chapter and there may be more to come, I'm not sure, yet.

Anyway those of you who don't like that just see it as an important father-son or brotherly bond.

Reviews will be very much appreciated and do tell me when I'm overdoing something, I can never tell.

Thank you. Bye-Bye


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki.

Chapter three:

Goku held the remote tightly in his hands. With a blank expression he rewound the scene and played it again only to repeat this action over and over again.

Confused at Goku's disturbing response to the cool video the twins had left in search of Dr. Nii.

Goku couldn't believe it.

He hadn't done this, he couldn't have done this.

The video indeed showed a press conference but also the destruction of an orphanage in favour of a fancy sports hall for a bunch of spoilt rich kids.

But not just any orphanage.

Goku's orphanage.

The first home he had ever known. The only place where he and his brother had actually shared a life. He had destroyed it.

The reporters' questions kept repeating themselves in his head.

'Goku-san, is it true that you sabotaged the orphanage's money resources to force the owner to sell?'

'Are you aware that many siblings must be separated because there aren't enough places in other orphanages near by ?'

'Did you pay groceries not to sell to this orphanage ?'

' Were you willing to let children starve to death just to prove you had the stronger will?'

' Do you realize how you've jeopardized these children's chances of a good life by worsening the conditions of their childhood?'

The cold and fierce expression on the face of 'Goku-san' said it all. A confident 'Yes' to all the above with a hidden ' I would have done more if they hadn't of given up so easily.'

In his illusion he'd killed innocent youkai who'd lost their sanity and were trying to kill him and his companions.

In real life he stole from innocent children because he felt like it.

The look in the eyes of 'Goku-san' sent a shiver down the monkey's spine.

Hakkai had once – under protest- told Goku about the actions and appearance of Seiten Taisei.

Staring into the eyes of a monster he now understood his companions' fear of this being.

But there was no diadem to restrain him. Goku was this monster with no excuses left to calm his conscious.

What else had he done in this life? Stolen charity funds because he was bored?

How many unforgivable sins were there? What had he taken from his companions?

The door opened and a familiar voice called out.

" Oy, monkey. What's got Bill and Ben the flower pot men so spooked. They miss the summer sale or something?"

Raising an eyebrow at Goku's lack of response Gojyo entered the room and sat down next to his brother.

After watching the unpleasant press conference Gojyo understood what all the commotion was about.

Sighing he took the remote from Goku's hands and turned the monkey's face towards him.

"You hate me, don't you?" Panicked, golden eyes stared at Gojyo.

" After that, you have to hate me." The pain from his dream suddenly returned to him.

The life was being sucked out of him.

"Goku, listen to me!", Gojyo said shaking Goku's shoulders lightly to snap him out of it.

" I don't hate you. It 's okay."

Goku stared at him horrified. " But…but..I…the orphanage."

Red eyes looked at him critically. "And what are you going to do about the orphanage?"

Goku blinked, confused.

Helpless tears sprung to his eyes surprising him and by the looks of it his brother, too.

Gently wiping them away Gojyo whispered softly.

"I can't remember the last time I saw you cry like this. I was convinced you'd forgotten how to."

Sighing audibly as if coming to the decision to change his handling of this situation he continued.

" It's in the past and over with. There's no point getting all worked up about it now.

You're just making yourself sick again." Eyes softening Gojyo hooked an arm around his brother's shoulders.

"You regret it, right?"

Goku nodded frantically.

" Then that's enough." A comfortable silence fell between them as Goku calmed his thoughts and emotions. "Now stop thinking about it, monkey, before your brain overloads!"

" Who are you calling monkey, you perverted water sprite!"

Gojyo laughed out loud.

"Water sprite? How very creative, squirt. Come on, let's get out of here."

After wiping his face Goku quickly followed Gojyo's already descending form asking.

"Where are we going?"

"Outside. I need a smoke.", Gojyo answered entering the lift.

Goku suppressed the urge to groan at the sight of the dreaded lift.

Watching the story numbers flash by he tried to act as if nothing was wrong.

Unfortunately our little monkey had never been a very good actor but Gojyo kindly just sent him a curious look and let it pass.

Outside the two brothers sat against a large oak tree of the hospitals small garden. While Gojyo enjoyed his nicotine Goku thought about the world around him.

Usually whenever he was outside and especially so close to nature he got this peaceful and content feeling. He felt pleased to be there and sometimes thought nature was pleased to see him.

Sanzo had said it probably had something to do with being born from a rock but was otherwise of no significance.

But now…

Now he felt nothing. He was just there and nature was just there and they had no connection whatsoever. Another sign that the life he remembered was fake. Goku still found it hard to believe but the more days that went by and the more Nii reasoned and put logic behind everything the more Goku's belief in his 'past' faded.

Speaking of past a sudden thought struck him.

" Gojyo?"

Lazily glancing at him Gojyo replied. "Yeah, monkey."

Goku frowned at the name but let it go. He wanted to ask something important not argue, again.

"What do you do?" Seeing Gojyo's confused look he continued. "I mean what's your job?

You're not a stripper are you?"

"Now there's a thought." Disgusted Goku stuck his tongue out.

Grinning Gojyo threw a badge at him.

" Police officer." Goku examined the badge. He'd never seen a police man's badge before.

" Chicks dig the uniform and I get to beat up bad guys all day long."

That sounded more or less what Gojyo did in his illusion. Kill youkai and flirt with girls.

"Oy! My turn." , Gojyo said gaining Goku's full attention. "Why haven't you asked for a smoke, yet? We've been out here for fifteen minutes, usually it doesn't take you fifteen seconds before bugging me."

Smoke? He didn't smoke. The smell of the cancer sticks was disgusting and the smoke always burnt in his eyes.

"Now Gojyo if Goku has decided to give up then you should be encouraging him."

"Hakkai!", Goku exclaimed happily forgetting about yelling at Gojyo for saying something so absurd.

Hakkai stood before them holding a white dog with red eyes on a leash.

"Since you mentioned him the other day, Goku, I thought I'd bring him round."

After freeing Jeep from his led Hakkai sat down Indian style in front of them and started a light conversation with Gojyo.

Stuff like 'How was work' and blah. Staring at the Albino dog who had trotted over to him Goku tuned them out.

Seeing Jeep as a dog kind of took away even his last glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe 'this' wasn't reality.

Petting the dog Goku was glad to have something to comfort him a little.

After some persuasive ear rubbing Jeep now lay stomach upwards with his head in Goku's lap receiving a masterful stomach rub.

Goku felt lost at sea. Nothing here felt familiar.

He wasn't sure he could ever find his old place in this world or even if he wanted to after seeing what he was capable of.

What would he do without the journey west?

More importantly how would he live without his companions around him all the time?

He wasn't sure how to live without Sanzo telling him what to do and guiding him as his beloved sun through the worst of darkness.

Hearing his name being said Goku listened in to Hakkai's and Gojyo' conversation again.

The two had noticed his lack of attention and taken a more serious topic.

" I've never seen him this comfortable with Jeep before." , Hakkai said.

" There's a lot of stuff I've never seen him do before.", Gojyo replied.

" He's acting just like when he was six or so but there's somehow more to it. "

" I hope the doctor knows how we can help him.", Hakkai said anxiously.

Gojyo snorted. "Help him? You can count me out of that I actually preferred him when he was six."

Hakkai frowned at Gojyo's response and Goku caught himself frowning too but more out of worry then disagreement.

Sitting by the windowsill in his hospital room Goku stared up at the night sky hoping to make out at least one shining star.

The lights of the city were too bright for him to see anything but darkness.

" I wasn't quite expecting this reaction from you but considering everything maybe it is a justified one.", Sanzo said softly entering the room and standing in front of the window opposite Goku.

" You should be happy about going home tomorrow." The blond didn't look at him but stared into the night sky.

" It's not my home. I didn't recognize Izumi at all when Nii showed me his photo in the newspaper. Can't I stay with you?"

The photo had been so alien to Goku that he couldn't recall what Izumi's features were like no matter how hard he tried.

" And why, monkey, do you want to stay with me?"

Sanzo asked glaring challenge ling at the boy.

Goku knew that glare. It was an ' You've said something I find stupid and I'll hit you for a weird response' glare.

He took his usual path. " I don't know why." The honest path. "I like being with you."

Goku saw an important emotion flicker in the ex-monks' usually cold eyes before they hardened again.

He had sometimes seen that emotion in his illusion but had never been able to put his finger on it.

" Stupid monkey! You'll be fine. Nii said you'd be remembering stuff soon and then everything will be back to normal."

Goku shuddered at that. What was normal?

If normal meant being like the Goku he saw on video did he really want that to happen. Guilt washed over the lost teenager again.

" Sanzo, I'm sorry.", he said quietly, fearing the power of the almighty fan.

Sighing angrily Sanzo asked. " What are you apologizing for?"

Goku didn't answer for a long time not sure how to explain his guilt.

" For the stuff I did and said to you before my coma. I still can't remember but I just feel so much guilt…", he trailed off uncertainly.

A comforting hand nestled itself in Goku's wild hair.

" You really are a stupid monkey. I'll tell you when I want an apology from you, got it?"

Goku nodded weakly afraid the movement would drive Sanzo's hand away.

A moment later Sanzo did take his hand away and pulled a piece of paper from one of his Jean's pockets.

Handing it to Goku he said:

" In case the old man demands too much from you . But don't start calling after the first five minutes. You're supposed to at least try."

The piece of paper had Sanzo's telephone number and a description to his church on it.

" Thanks Sanzo.", Goku said smiling slightly.

Sanzo grunted his acknowledgement.

He then pulled a chair out and sat down heavily on it.

" Damnit, Goku what else do I have to do to get that glum look of your face!", Sanzo said angrily.

Goku stared at him questioningly.

What did he mean?

Sanzo had done more than enough already.

"Fine!", Sanzo growled as if Goku had made a request he was reluctant to fulfil.

His wrist being grabbed Goku was jerked forwards and found himself on his keeper's lap.

Strong arms wrapped around him and Goku desperately tried to hide his blush in Sanzo's shoulder.

" The things I do for you.", Sanzo muttered.

Goku was unable to respond.

The loud exclamation of 'Holy Shit!' still echoed in his mind.

Had Nii been right? Was their relationship of a sexual kind?

Feeling his face heat up even more at the frighteningly pleasant thought Goku held on tighter to his sun and wondered what he had got himself into again.

The building Goku stood in front of was huge, really huge. Hundreds of people could live in this place but Goku had been told his family only consisted of his father and himself.

Gojyo had driven him here and only just left.

Leaving Goku with his phone number and the explanation that he wasn't welcome any further into the estate.

" Master Goku, it is so pleasant to have you with us again.", a female voice to his right said.

Goku was surprised to stare into the familiar set of eyes.

"Yaone?"

The young woman smiled at him.

" I am pleased you remember me, master. This way, master, your father is awaiting you."

Silently he followed her inside staring at all the artefacts, mirrors, and paintings in the hallways.

When they came to the staircase the monkey stopped in complete awe. The stairs were made of black marble and widened up on the ground floor.

The ceiling opened up into a dome with a magnificent painting with gods and angels that made you think that the endless sky was above you.

"Master Goku.", Yaone called politely from the stairs. " Your father is waiting."

After he had caught up with her Yaone continued. " If you like I can give you a tour of the mansion later."

" Huh? Oh, yeah that'd be great, thanks.", Goku stuttered still too entranced by the building.

" Say, do you happen to have a map of this place?"

Yaone laughed. "Oh, master Goku, I have missed your sense of humour."

Goku sweatdropped. He'd meant the map seriously.

They finally came to a halt in front of two big wooden doors.

Yaone knocked loudly and an unfamiliar voice from within called to them to enter.

Goku was very nervous. He'd never had a father before.

What was he supposed to say?

The man sitting behind the desk got up and walked towards him. Yaone left the room without a word closing the big doors gently behind her.

Izumi had white hair and piercing light green eyes. He didn't look very old and he didn't give Goku the impression of a businessman.

There was something dangerous glowing in his eyes but Goku couldn't define it and he couldn't shake the feeling off of having once seen this guy before.

He was pretty sure it wasn't in a very nice situation either but he just couldn't remember.

"My boy, I'm glad you're with us again. If there is anything you need, do ask Yaone and your wish will be her command.", Izumi said.

His voice sounded strained as if he were in some kind of pain. "Did you have a pleasant trip?"

Trip? It had hardly taken Gojyo fifteen minutes to drive here. Not much of a trip in Goku's opinion.

"Yeah, it was fine." He didn't know how to address him.

'Yeah, Dad.', sounded stupid and calling him 'Izumi-san' might have offended him.

Was this the best conversation they could do?

He'd been in a goddamn coma for six months and the first his 'father' wanted to know was how his trip was!

" I have an important meeting but we must have another talk soon."

Goku nodded not wanting to respond verbally.

If this guy wasn't putting any effort into this why should he.

"Yaone!",

the summoned girl entered the room immediately and bowed before her master.

"Has the tutor arrived?"

Yaone answered affirmatively and was then told to take Goku to the study room.

Exhausted Goku fell on his bed without giving his 'bedroom' containing all his precious belongings a second glance.

Hakkai had been brutal with his lecture. He'd forcefully stuffed algebra and Greek Mythology into Goku's head all afternoon and had been very angry with Goku for not being able to remember all of it.

Well, he hardly remembered any of it.

Sanzo had taught him how to read and write years ago.

It had been difficult for both of them but Goku could do it. Just about.

Then Hakkai had taken over as a teacher but they'd kept things simple like adding not algebra.

It seemed that in reality Sanzo and Gojyo were both more patient with the 'stupid monkey' than Hakkai was.

Great, he'd hardly been here a week and already the most patient of his companions was mad at him.

Frustrated he slammed his fist against his bed's headboard only to have something hard land on his head.

Rubbing his aching head Goku examined the object.

"What the? I have a diary?…………..AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH"

How embarrassing!

Girls had diaries or at least that's what Gojyo always said.

Not even all girls but boring girls.

What did that make him? **Groan**

He'd never live this done if the others found out.

Logic and reason of course soon kicked in on Goku's rant reminding him that a diary in his situation was more of a blessing than a source of embarrassment.

Being too tired to fill his mind with more information Goku put the diary on the nightstand and fell asleep.

He couldn't move. Opening his eyes all he could see was green liquid and air bubbles that were being produced by his thrashing about.

Pushing himself forwards he slammed against the glass tube. Fists hammering against it he still couldn't get out.

Trapped and alone in this bizarre scene.

A drilling sound brought his attention to the top of the glass tube.

A metallic circle with several drills and wires attached to them came down to encircle his head just above his diadem.

Still fighting against his bounds Goku saw a man step into the light, his hand hovering above a button.

Squinting his eyes Goku could make out a flash of white hair framing this man's head.

Then the button was pushed and the drills started their horrible work.

He screamed.

Screamed as his skull was being split.

Screamed as the green liquid turned red.

Screamed as electricity was sent through his brain.

Screamed as the pain became so unbearable he couldn't take it.

Panting heavily Goku sat upright in his bed clutching his chest tightly.

His heart was beating frantically.

What in the name of whatever power was up there was that?

On shaky legs he got out of bed and went to the bathroom on this floor of the house.

After washing his face he knelt on the bathroom floor with his forehead pressed against the cold porcelain sink, still slightly out of breath.

What WAS that?

Nii had told him to ignore his dreams.

Yeah, right how the hell was he supposed to ignore that?

Great, now he'd never get a good night's sleep again.

Calm again Goku went back to his room and sat on his bed.

Head in his hands he tried to think about anything but his disturbing dream.

The little monkey wished the others were here now. The 'old' others.

Okay so Gojyo and Sanzo could be real jerks but they were still there for him and Hakkai could have explained this dream to him or helped him somehow.

He didn't think the Hakkai in this world would care much about his dream; too concerned about the lectures and cramming as much useless information into Goku's head as possible.

Sighing loudly Goku noticed his diary lying on the floor.

He must of knocked it down in his sleep.

Maybe he'd had such dreams before.

Maybe he'd worked out what they were about and how to handle them.

Hoping to find salvation between the pages of this book Goku hurriedly opened it on the last entry.

The name that sprang at him shocked Goku no endlessly.

KOUGAIJI?

Why was Kougaiji in his diary?

TBC

Right kids the keyword here is '?'.-Joke

So another chapter. Cheer!

I put some 39 Fluff in. I hope it worked, a little. I've never written fluff before it may be a bit stiff. Oh well.

The nightmares thicken and yes they do have a significant meaning.

Stay tuned while the mystery starts to unravel.

Oh yeah and many, many, many thanks to all reviewers of this story.

Thank you.

Bye-Bye


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki.

Chapter four:

Several people walked round him annoyed by the fact that Goku had stopped in the middle of the pavement and was staring at all the tall buildings surrounding him.

He couldn't help his staring.

It was just all so amazing andweird at the same time.

Everything was so much bigger and yet he felt so much more restricted than in his illusion.

Looking down at the piece of paper clutched in his hands he checked the address with the street sign in front of him and continued his trek.

After the disturbing findings in his diary Goku did the one thing he always did when he didn't understand something: Find Sanzo.

He knew Sanzo didn't have all the answers and more often than not Sanzo usually denied him a satisfying response but somehow Goku could concentrate better with Sanzo around.

Maybe because he felt more at ease around him….

Anyway.

After finding Kougaiji's name in his diary Goku had read the whole thing, which for the record was rather long, and ended up with more questions than answers.

Most of it was boring information for instance how school was or that he was mad at his father for never being around.

The rest of it was stuff Nii had already told him only with his emotions to the situations thrown in.

The intensity of his feelings described in his diary of when he met Sanzo shook him.

He'd never before been able to express them but this really hit it right on.

The annoying voice of the cockroach chimed in at that moment from the back of his mind saying that this 'coincidence' probably had something to do with the fact that he wrote it!

However the most important and disturbing news had been in the last ten pages. The ones concerning Kougaiji.

He'd met and befriended Kougaiji a few weeks before the assassination attempt.

Kougaiji had been very like Goku, lonely and pushed into a direction he didn't want to take by his parents.

They'd become good friends. The similarities stopped there though.

Kougaiji was by no means even close to Goku's class. On the contrary Kougaiji was a highly paid assassin and after his current employee an enemy of Goku's activities had cunningly

(Cunningly means he had someone spy on Kougaiji)

found out about their friendship decided that Kougaiji was the best assassin for the job.

Using Goku's trust for his own advantage he'd lured the unsuspicious monkey into one of the city's parks very late at night.

He had earnestly tried to kill his friend but in the end didn't have the heart or the stomach to go through with this murder.

Close to hysterics Kougaiji had explained his motives to Goku. He had never wanted this life and after hearing about his newest assignment tried to quit but his stepmother had a very good hold on him. She'd blackmailed him as she had all the other times and as she would every time until Kougaiji would be of no use to her.

Every time Kougaiji showed resistance his stepmother, Gyukomen, threatened to kill his little sister Lilin who she had locked away in an, to Kougaiji at least, unknown hideout.

At this point Kougaiji had still refused knowing that she couldn't go through with her threat just yet. He told her how impossible it was to choose between being the murderer of your sister or the murderer of your best friend.

It was then she made him an offer impossible to refuse.

If he killed Goku then he and Lilin were free to go and live their lives in whatever way they saw fit.

Now comes the disturbing bit. According to his diary Goku had decided to help his friend in the only way he saw himself capable of doing so.

By killing himself and making it look like – to the media- an assassin had done it and to the stepmother that Kougaiji had done it.

The plan of how he was going to do this was not written down in the diary but Goku thought he could work that part out himself.

The disturbing part was how pleased Goku seemed in his writing about the idea of death.

So now our monkey needed advice. As far as he could remember Goku had always loved life.

Being looked up and denied a real life for 500 years probably had the same effect on everybody but why had he been so desperate before his illusion to die ?

What had become of Kougaiji ?

What was he suppose to do?

The sight of the church in front of him brought Goku out of his thoughts. He stopped a moment to stare at it. Goku had seen Catholic churches on their journey but only in passing.

Going inside he felt a little out of place. The holy and subdued atmosphere of the church made him uneasy. A youkai in a church – weren't there rules against that?

Oh yeah, how forgetful of him he was human now. Whoops.

"Sanzo's busy.", a voice from behind him said. Goku paled. He knew that voice and it hadn't been a pleasant encounter.

"I said Sanzo's busy that means you should leave."

Frowning Goku spun around.

"Then I'll wait until Sanzo is no longer busy, Dougan."

Dougan was dressed in a priest's attire and was looking at Goku disapprovingly.

" It could take hours.", Dougan said trying to get Goku out of his church.

"I have time.", Goku retorted. Christ, it wasn't like he was doing anyone any harm just by visiting.

"Shouldn't you be at school.", Dougan said arrogantly a superior smirk plastered on his face.

"Is that any of your business?", Goku shot back angrily.

This guy freaked him out. Always had. His obsession and dependence on Sanzo had always made Goku feel uneasy around him.

" He has a point though why aren't you at school?"

"Sanzo!", both exclaimed happily then frowned at each other.

" Are you two ever going to get on?", Sanzo sighed frustrated.

" He's the one with the problem not me!", both said simultaneously before staring at each other shocked for saying the same thing.

" Dougan don't you have something to do?"

Dougan stormed off muttering angrily about 'stupid monkeys'.

Goku watched him leave. He didn't like the fact that Dougan existed in this reality or that he was so close to Sanzo.

Guilt once again consumed him as he thought about his illusion and what had happened to Dougan in it. He really needed to sort his problem with jealousy out.

" Why does a church need two priests anyway?", Goku asked grumpily.

" He's not a real priest yet, just in training. He's not so bad once you give him a chance.", Sanzo said leaning against a bench. They were standing in the hallway leading to the altar with a certain distance between them.

Goku had never felt this far away from Sanzo before.

Maybe it had been a mistake coming here. Dougan had whirled up some unpleasant memories and now he was blaming himself for everything that had or in this case hadn't happened.

" You still haven't answered my question?"

Goku looked curiously up into Sanzo's slightly angry face.

"Why aren't you at school?"

Why the hell was that important? He had bigger problems than that weird place.

Nick and Nicky had driven him up the wall. The teachers had constantly asked him all the questions and when he didn't know the answers which was nearly always the whole classroom gasped in shock that soon turned into mocking sniggers.

" It was weird and stupid."

Really, their questions had been silly and were of no use in a real life situation. It had been just like in the monastery when the novices had made fun of him for not knowing Buddha's rules.

" So you left without trying properly."

Sanzo did not sound pleased. School had never been important before. Why make such a fuse about it now?

Goku didn't dare meet Sanzo's gaze. He knew that tone of voice far too well and had been grateful that it hadn't been directed at him all that often.

" Why are you here?"

Goku flinched.

What was going on? Where was the nice Sanzo from the hospital?

Where was the gun wielding Sanzo from his illusion?

He felt like this Sanzo was disappearing. Leaving him all alone and trapped in his mountain prison.

Breath quickening in panic Goku answered truthfully.

" Just wanted to see you and talk about…"

"About what? " Sanzo's voice was sharp and demanding.

What had he done to make him this cold?

He looked up to tell Sanzo about Kougaiji but his gaze met green liquid surrounding him and felt wires digging into his veins.

Struggling against his restrains he faintly heard a voice calling him.

Closing his eyes to concentrate through the pain Goku was suddenly staring at the church's ceiling.

Everything was slightly fuzzy and he felt someone holding him.

" Sanzo?", he asked weakly.

His vision finally clearing he was able to make out his keeper's face hovering above him. Sanzo looked a little pale and concern was clearly shinning in his eyes.

" Goku, just take it easy. I'll call the doctor and…"

Was his voice shaking?

" No, it's okay.", Goku quickly interrupted. He didn't want to see any doctor for a quite a long time, especially that creepy Nii.

" I'm alright. Honest." Using Sanzo as support he carefully stood up only half trusting his now wobbly legs.

Great, now he was being a wimp in front of Sanzo.

" What is all the shouting about?", Dougan asked heading towards them.

Goku groaned inwardly.

Now Dougan was going to see him all weakly, too.

" Where the hell were you? Didn't you hear me yell?", Sanzo said accusingly still keeping a hold on Goku.

" I'm here now. Whatever is the problem?", Dougan asked slightly taken aback by Sanzo's anger.

" Goku collapsed. Go fetch the phone!", Sanzo ordered gruffly.

" I'm alright now, Sanzo. Come on why cause all the trouble with the doctor?"

Nii wasn't exactly someone he wanted to deal with at the moment.

" I agree with the dumb animal."

Both pair of eyes stared at Dougan shocked.

" Well he has a point. He can't have been out for long since I came to see what you were yelling about almost immediately. I do believe you're overreacting Sanzo, sir."

Giving in to the other two's reasoning Sanzo let go of Goku and sent Dougan back to his work.

" Come to my office we can continue our talk there.", Sanzo said resembling the Sanzo from the hospital more now.

Standing on his two still wobbly legs Goku took a few steps before stumbling into Sanzo's arms. ( You think he's doing this on purposeg)

" Perhaps I need to sit down for a moment.", Goku said sheepishly.

Sanzo grunted his reply and then scooped Goku's legs up and carried him down the hallway accompanied by the monkey's embarrassed yelling.

" You're going to lie down for a few hours, stupid monkey, even if I have to knock you out myself."

As promised Goku was forced to lie down in Sanzo's bed and to his own amazement Goku actually slept soundly.

Well more soundly than he had since awakening from his coma.

The only things plaguing him were a slight headache and the general feeling of being drained when one is sick.

No nightmares!

Seeing that his patient was awake Sanzo got up from his watch post by the window cigarette of course dangling from his lips and placed a damp cloth on Goku's forehead.

Maybe Sanzo staying by his side at something to do with the absence of his nightmares.

Hmm. Nah!

Sitting on the edge of the bed he asked: " Better?"

" I'm fine, Sanzo."

The look on Sanzo's face said he didn't believe him.

" Is this what you wanted to talk about?", Sanzo asked softly referring to Goku's collapse hours before.

"No, I found something important out about the assassination attempt but I don't understand it.

You see there's this guy called Kougaiji and he's an assassin but also my friend.

His stepmother's blackmailing him by threatening to kill his sister but if he kills me then they're free and six months ago I said I'd help him so I jumped out of the building.

But I'm not dead so what happened to Kougaiji ?

I don't understand how me dying would really help.

Do you think I should look for Kougaiji?

That would be kind of weird and..", Goku had said all this entremely quickly in one breath and was rewarded by Sanzo clamping a hand over his mouth.

" Shut up, stupid monkey and slow down. I only got half of that."

Goku explained everything a little more slowly and now watched Sanzo silently mule it all over.

" You wanted to die?", Sanzo asked quietly.

" According to my diary, yes, but I don't understand that anymore. Okay my father's quite an ass but I had you and Gojyo and Hakkai."

'Even if Hakkai is acting a little weird.' , he added silently to himself.

Sanzo didn't respond to that.

Sitting up Goku grabbed Sanzo's wrist.

" Sanzo, I don't know what to do about it."

Sanzo stared at him for a long moment. " First off jumping off a building was the completely wrong thing to do. I thought you had more sense than that.", he sounded very upset at this point and Goku could actually understand why.

He wasn't very pleased with the 'little stunt' either.

"Why didn't you ask Gojyo for advice?"

" Gojyo ?", Goku asked confused.

" Policeman, blackmail- ring a bell." Goku flushed embarrassed.

He just couldn't remember stuff from this reality very well.

" Secondly it's all six months in the past so anything you could have done for this Kougaiji is too late and thirdly don't even think of running off looking for this guy.

Only an idiot would go looking for his own assassin."

Goku nodded solemnly.

He was afraid of this. He had come to the same conclusions himself but had needed reasurrence.

Now he was at square one again.

" I called Hakkai and told him what happened. He and Gojyo are on their way over to collect you.", Sanzo said, deliberately changing the subject to pull Goku out of his depressive thoughts.

" Did he sound mad?", Goku asked timidly.

Sanzo looked at him surprised. " No, he sounded worried. You two have an argument or something?"

Goku played with the sheet between his fingers.

" No, but I think I made him mad because I couldn't remember much of his lecture. I'm not very good at such stuff and before the coma I probably was so now Hakkai's mad at me."

A hand buried itself in his hair.

" Stupid monkey."

That was said far too softly!

At least in Goku's opinion of a normal behaving Sanzo.

" He's just worried about your education. If you tell him he's going too hard on you then I'm sure he'll understand."

Looking up Goku stared into the emotional violet eyes of his keeper. The hand in his hair slid down to his cheek.

"Sanzo, why were you so cross with me before?"

Sanzo's expression changed to a startled one before realization dawned on him.

" Sorry about that. I thought you were just looking for an excuse to skive off school. I'll take you more seriously next time."

Sanzo's face inched closer to him.

Goku felt himself automatically inch closer, too, heat building up inside of him.

Eyes slowly closing Goku felt excited and scared at the same time.

Was Sanzo actually going to kiss him?

Loud screams from downstairs broke the spell on them.

Quickly going to the door Sanzo half turned back to the already rushing after him Goku and commanded.

" Stay here! Whatever happens you stay!"

Disappointed Goku decided to obey. Sanzo rarely commanded him to stay out of stuff so it was safest (safest from Sanzo's fan) to obey.

Moments after Sanzo had left he heard fighting.

Then two men dressed entirely in black wearing masks advanced on him.

Not one to cower in a corner Goku threw several punches at them and had one of them out for the count when the second guy twisted his arm and injected something into him.

Goku couldn't move. The contents of the syringe having paralysed him.

Once the half conscious guy on the floor (Good work monkey) had regained his senses Goku was flung over a hard shoulder and carried out.

He growled dangerously. He was going to get them for this.

Whoever was trying to make a fool out of him Goku was going to give them a damn good thrashing!

On the way out Goku anxiously searched for Sanzo and spotted him fighting off four of the guys while Dougan cowered in the corner.

At least Sanzo wasn't hurt, yet. Goku called out to him and saw his keeper try to make his way through to Goku.

The helpless but by no means defeated monkey was roughly thrown into the back of a black van.

Man, what was these guy's problem with black!

" Welcome Son Goku!", a female voice in the shadows said.

The woman stepped into the light. She had long light green hair but was no one Goku recognized from his illusion.

However her aura screamed youkai.

" I've heard so much about you and was just _dying_ to see you."

She broke out in hysteric laughter.

Just great yet another weird psycho on his case!

TBC

Right I tried really hard to get this chapter out quickly but it wasn't easy.

I hope it's not too dull.

The action gets going properly in the next chapter, which I haven't written yet,

(ducks from the readers throwing old shoes at author)

and it might take a while longer.

(ducks from the knives being thrown)

Sorry, but please do review this chapter!

Oh and weird lady is meant to be Gyukomen- Kougaiji's stepmom.(Hope I got the name right)

Guys, is Goku too girly in this?


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki.

Chapter five:

" Let go of me! Goddamn oaf!"

Goku yelled while trying to free himself from his captor's hold.

The paralyse from the injection had finally worn off and Goku was once again able to use all of his limbs to free himself.

His efforts on the other hand were fruitless. This guy had a surprisingly tight grip.

He was being carried into some deserted warehouse that had by the looks of it mainly been used for meat and other foods.

( There was still the sign on the front of the doors)

The psycho lady who had wanted to meet him was Kougaiji's stepmother and most certainly had nothing good in mind for everyone's favourite monkey.

" Put him in with the girl, then go and fetch my dear stepson. I want them all to know what happens when you try to cross me!"

After being literally thrown into a freezer Goku quickly got to his feet and started pounding against the heavy steel door.

" Bastards! Let me out so I can beat you all to a pulp!"

Unable to knock down a steel door with his bare hands the anger slowly left his body and he was stuck with the problem of

a.) awaiting being murdered if he didn't start kicking some ass and fast.

b.) Freezing to death in this stupid thing.

A sneeze from the back of the place made him turn around and he was only half-surprised to see Lilin crouched down in the corner.

She looked up at him eyes fierce, she too seemed to want to give these guys a piece of her mind by using her fist.

" You that weird guy my brother was supposed to kill but who decided to kill himself instead?"

Goku felt slightly embarrassed with the subject.

" Yeah, that's me.", he answered while nervously scratching the back of his head.

" Didn't do a very good job of it, did you?"

Yes, this was definitely Lilin. She was getting on his nerves already.

" How long have you been here?", he asked changing the subject.

" Not long or else I'd be dead. Brother was right, you really are a monkey."

Before Goku could angrily retort the door opened revealing someone he certainly hadn't expected.

' Homura?', Goku thought not believing it,resisting the urgeto spurt out his adversaries name in surprise.

'What the hell was he doing here?'

" The lady is ready to meet you. Please do come along without trouble."

Like hell he would.

Goku spun around with a roundhouse kick at the ready.

To his dismay Homura was quicker and caught his foot. His grip tightening he threw Goku off his feet.

" Son Goku, there is no reason to make this harder for you than it already is."

Anger shining in his eyes Goku scrambled to his feet and threw a punch at Homura catching the guys chin before a swift jab to his stomach knocked the air out of Goku.

Clutching his stomach and staggering back a few steps Goku desperately tried to catch his breath.

He knew Homura was hard to beat but his blows had never been this bad.

Maybe his body wasn't used to fighting anymore.

" You having trouble with a kid? You're losing your touch Homura.", Zenon said while entering machine gun at the ready.

" Playtimes over kids. Come along." Gesturing with his gun towards the door.

Neither of the usually trouble provoking kids felt like risking being drilled through with bullets so they both reluctantly went along.

They were led into the large hall of the warehouse with several big and blackened windows running along the walls.

In the centre were Gyukomen and Shien who had a restrained and beaten bloody looking Kougaiji in front of him.

" Kougaiji!", Lilin exclaimed worriedly and rushed forward towards her brother only to be grabbed by Homura.

He dragged her towards a long, metal table that stood just a few metres to Gyukomen's right and with some struggling and shouting from the girl managed to tie her to it.

Gyukomen ignored the whole procedure her eyes never leaving Goku.

This freaked Goku outa littlebut he held her gaze not willing to give her the upper hand.

Finally she turned to Kougaiji.

" My dear boy, did you not once say you couldn't choose between the lives of your sister and best friend?"

Kougaiji didn't respond preferring to focus on staying conscious.

" Tonight I'll make you regret not choosing between them.

From now on when I tell you to kill someone you'll do it without a fuss and without messing up."

She advanced on him as if she were a tiger advancing on injured meat.

Lifting his chin up she spoke softly to him.

" Cherishing what one posses isn't enough especially for some lowlife like yourself who couldn't protect a fly."

She then went to stand in front of Goku.

A ferocious smile spread across her face.

" I'll be having the honour of sending you to the next world myself, Goku-kun."

Goku rolled his eyes at her. What a lame line!

As if he'd really let her of all people kill him.

Homura had better chances of getting the better of him than she did.

" Proceed, Homura.", the heartless woman said darkly.

Seeing said ex.-god produce a knife Kougaiji started thrashing against his bounds.

Goku's arm twitched, the machine gun pressed into his back keeping him motionless.

If only Zenon were distracted for a mere second he could

just maybe…

**CRASH**……CRASH ….

Right on cue several windows were broken.

Goku used everyone's distraction to elbow Zenon in the stomach causing him to drop the gun then knocked him unconscious with a good, solid punch to the jaw.

A gunshot sung through the air, followed by a yell of pain from Homura.

Everything happened so quickly Goku was barely sure how it had all happened.

Gojyo had shot and then threatened Homura with his gun preventing him from trying anything but Gyukomen had still had enough time in all the chaos to grab Lilin and run for it.

Suddenly Sanzo and Hakkai were there keeping Shien off his back who had discarded Kougaiji as harmless and advanced on Goku.

He was grateful for that because now he could finish this nightmare once and for all.

The Goku from before his coma may not have known how to handle such a situation but our monkey boy certainly did.

Ignoring the screamed protests of his comrades Goku raced after the witch and her hostage.

The dark sky loomed over him and a light drizzle hindered his vision slightly.

The warehouse was by the docks. Passing through lots of abandoned rubble Goku spotted a small iron bar. ( As well to handle as a dagger but with a blunt end)

Soon enough Gyukomen was cornered between Goku and the dangerous looking water.

Both heard police sirens approaching.

Fear shined in her eyes as she stared helplessly at Goku.

It was over. Whatever she did now, it was over.

With an inhuman snarl upon her face Gyukomen reached into her vest twisting Lillin to a different angle in her grasp in the process and pulled out a gun.

Goku stood his ground, fingering the iron bar hidden behind his back and concentrating on his target.

His eyes flickered to Lilin who acknowledged her cue.

Pressure was on the trigger.

Yanking on her mother's arm Lilin brought Gyukomen off balance.

The bullet whizzed past Goku's right ear but he hardly noticed, already in motion.

The iron bar was slung over his shoulder with tremendous strength and accuracy ,hitting Gyukomen's forehead and knocking her unconscious as she fell into the waves below.

(hit head on g)

Lilin and Goku stared at each other. Slowly two relived smiles answered each other both glad the danger was over.

Something behind Goku caught the girl's attention.

" Kougaiji!", she exclaimed rushing past to her brother who was currently being supported by Hakkai.

Sanzo and Gojyo close by.

Goku blinked confusedly at the sight. It was strange to see Gojyo wielding the gun instead of Sanzo.

Grinning broadly Goku joined the little group as police started to swamp the area.

" Hey Sanz..."

**Twack**…. "You…twack…stupid…twack…monkey….twack.."

Sanzo screamed face red in fury.

" I'll second that." , Hakkai said to Goku's astonishment. Usually that would have been one of Gojyo's lines.

"Ow! Sanzo, stop it!" Goku shielded his head with his hands as best as he could.

Twack…there's no escaping the mighty..twack…fan.

" Woah! Hold it Priest boy or you're send him into another coma.", Gojyo said pulling Goku to safety.

" That was a really cool throw, you're gonna have to teach that one to me.", big brother said proudly an arm slung around Goku's shoulder's.

Hakkai frowned at the actions. Gojyo shouldn't encourage Goku's reckless behaviour!

" Oh, and one more thing.."

" Yeah?", Goku asked curiously.

Suddenly he was being shaken roughly by the shoulders.

" Don't you ever scare me like that again goddamn ape!

I chase the murderers, you get into safety!"

" I hope you've learnt your lesson, Goku.", Hakkai said sternly expressing his own concern.

Goku definetly had learnt his lesson.

Never let the others know he was doing something dangerous!

Officers and Medics rushed past them to the end of the pier in order to get Gyukomen while others swamped their little group, demanding answers and giving treatment mainly to Kougaiji.

In all the chaos Goku's gaze still met Kougaiji's.

The demon prince looked exhausted but relief and gratitude shone clearly in his eyes.

And Goku understood.

Grinning broadly at Kougaiji like the cheeky monkey everyone said he was Goku watched him be carried away into an ambulance with Lilin close behind.

Sitting on the roof of a police car Goku was dangling his feet to and fro while humming cheerfully to himself.

( Gojyo had put him up there claiming that he would be able to keep a better eye on the chimp from there while he had to work)

He was rather pleased with himself.

Everything had turned out fine and now there were no more secrets to his life.

Maybe the dreams would stop, too.

While waiting with Hakkai for Sano to finish his testimony Goku had decided to try asking Hakkai about the dreams.

In the illusion Hakkai would have gladly tried to work such things out with him but Goku was a little worried about this Hakkai.

To his relief Hakkai listened to his problem and asked vital questions about what had been happening in the dreams.

After some thought he came to the conclusion that Goku's sub consciousness was warning him about the danger of Gyukomen.

Hakkai admitted that it was a very strange kind of warning but Goku's feelings of being trapped and threatened in his dreams were good enough prove for his theory.

Finally Sanzo returned and leaned against the police car while lighting up.

" Sanzo?", Goku asked carefully. He hoped Sanzo was less angry with him for being reckless.

Goku wanted to ask him something important that had been bugging him for a while now.

" What?", the reply was his usual pissed off kind.

" How did you guys find me so quickly?"

" Pure luck really. Just as those bastards threw you in the van Gojyo and Hakkai arrived.

Your brother really is a lousy driver especially when he's worrying."

Goku rolled his eyes. "I bet he was only driving that badly to annoy you."

Why would Gojyo be worrying about him? He could look after himself against a bunch of nutters.

Sanzo turned to him, his eyes emotional again, taking Goku by surprise.

" You're alright, aren't you?"

Goku smiled. He kind of liked this softer, more concerned Sanzo.

" I'm fine. Stop worrying, Sanzo. I'm not made of glass."

" Oi, chimp! I got you food.", Gojyo yelled heading towards them with Hakkai close behind.

" Proper police food to be precise.", Hakkai said cheerfully.

" Donuts? Aren't you sick of these yet, dumbass?", Sanzo asked exasperated.

Goku happily tucked in to his snack.

" Nothing wrong with donuts. They've got everything you need in them.", Gojyo declared proudly.

Sanzo suddenly cursed. Goku looked up from his food startled.

" Huh? What's wrong?"

" Your old man's coming.", Gojyo said bitterly.

" I'm sure we can reason with him.", Hakkai said diplomatically probably the only one in the group Izumi would not scorn.

Goku followed everyone's gaze. But something was wrong.

Izumi was heading towards them with an angry expression on his face. Probably because his 'son' was disturbing his time schedule again.

The more Goku stared at Izumi the more the image flickered, as if the man wasn't really there.

Sound started to fade from his ears and the panicked feelings from his dreams hit him full force.

He couldn't breath.

His heart was pounding frantically in his ears, beating too fast, hitting his ribcage, trying to burst out.

Everything was spinning. Blinking Goku tried to focus on something.

If only he could get a grip of his senses.

Suddenly Gyukomen was there. Standing above him holding a knife above her head.

His wrists ached as the wires sucked more and more lifeout of him.

The image of Gyukomen flickered then merged into one of Izumi but of a completely different Izumi.

His heart was beating unbearably fast.

Goku had seen this man before. Every night in his dreams. A white haired scientist covered in blood with a mad glint in his eyes.

His lungs felt frozen up.

The knife plunged down, aimed at his heart but never penetrated.

Goku's heart just stopped.

Completely stopped.

------------

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He was floating.

Somewhere. Somewhere between life and death.

Or was he already dead?

Did it even matter anymore ?

He felt strangely light and free.

Pain rushed through him.

Pulling him down.

A heart beat echoed in his ear then another.

A loud gasp rung through the air followed by several gulps for more precious air.

Relieved voices soon followed and Goku struggled to make them out.

" Hakkai, you did it!"……..Gojyo?

" I hope it was still in time."……That was Hakkai's voice.

What had happened?

Why was he feeling so extremely drained?

Eyes snapping open Goku could barely make anything out.

The room was spinning and the noise in his head wouldn't let him think.

There was light, artificial light and machines of some kind.

A broken glass tube with wires hanging loosely from it.

He felt wet and sticky. A cold breeze told him he wasn't wearing much either.

" Goku, can you hear me?"

Goku couldn't work out who had asked that and couldn't answer.

He reached out a hand trying to find something, anything.

" Hakkai, what's wrong with him?"

A hand found his and held it tightly, securely.

The reassurance calmed him, brought him back to his senses.

" I'm not sure. The gods only know what experiments that bastard has been doing on him for the last week."

" Goku." Sanzo? What was going on?

" Goku, open your eyes.", the voice was commanding but also gentle.

The hand tightening with every word.

Slowly Goku opened his eyes. Hovering above him were his three companions but they looked different.

Hakkai was no longer wearing his suit but a green shirt and sash.

Gone were his glasses replaced by a monocle.

Gojyo's clothes looked old fashioned and he was covered in blood.

The red of his hair seemed so much deeper than Goku remembered.

Sanzo's clothing was the most dramatic change.

He was wearing a robe and a sutra was draped over his shoulders.

Goku tried to remember what that meant.

He knew this change was important, was supposed to tell him something but the pounding in his head prevented him from thinking straight.

Looking down on himself Goku noticed that he was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts and was lying in a puddle of green liquid mixed with blood.

Something thin and white hovered above him.

Goku's eyes widened in shock. His brainconcluding that this was impossible.

He didn't know why it was impossible, it just was.

" A Dragon?", Goku croaked before he fell into a semi-consciousness.

………..

………..

………….

Warm. It was nicely warm. That was the first thing Goku's brain registered.

Strong arms were wrapped around him carrying him someplace.

Goku opened his eyes and just stared at his lap.

He was wearing Sanzo's robes.

"..sanzo…", he whispered wrapping his arms around his keeper's neck and pulling himself closer.

" Don't fidget, monkey, or I'll drop you."

He could feel Sanzo's voice vibrating against him.

" Hakkai, did we bring the camera?

This is just priceless.", Gojyo said from further ahead.

Sanzo adjusted his grip around Goku.

"Damn, monkey, you're diadem is digging into my neck."

Goku's grip tightened.

" I'm not wearing a diadem.", he said hoarsely.

" Of course you are or else we'd be gonners by now."—Gojyo again.

Couldn't he be quiet. Goku was trying to sort things out.

" Youkai don't exist, you said. I'm not wearing a diadem."

Sanzo stopped in his tracks.

" Goku, what…"

" You said.", Goku repeated more forcefully.

He was in no condition to argue about this again.

" If we said that then it must be right, mustn't it Goku?",

Hakkai said soothingly. There was a long silence.

Sanzo continued walking.

" Sanzo?" Goku closed his eyes and leaned more heavily against his keeper.

" What now?"

" I'm not sure what happened." Sanzo grunted.

" We'll work it all out later, Goku.", Hakkai answered gently.

" Sanzo, we'll go back to the church won't we? And Gojyo and Hakkai will come too, right?

I don't feel good and don't want to be alone.", Goku said quickly panic clear in his voice.

He still felt dizzy and as weak as a kitten. A condition he did not like one bit.

" Go to sleep, stupid monkey, and stop saying such nonsense!"

Somehow Goku had a bad feeling of déjà vu.

TBC

It's done. Thank God.

I've been working on this all day….sheesh!

So I hope you like it.

Another chapter is coming and it probably (no guarantees) will be the last one.

Thanks for waiting and reviewing.

(Oh yeah, did any of you guys see that coming? You did. Hmm. Yeah, it was sort of hinted anyway.)

Bye.Bye


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaiden Saiyuki.

Chapter six:

The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky but most of it seemed to prefer shining in Goku's face, much to the monkey's annoyance.

Rolling over on his bed he pulled the pillow over his head and groaned loudly making his discomfort clear to everyone else in the room.

Goku couldn't remember in detail what had happened but he knew he had had a long and agonizing rest. He'd been turning from side to side unable to get comfortable with all his limbs aching, yelling in pain and now had the most awful migraine in history. Vaguely he remembered some familiar figures taking care of him but it was all a bit of a blur.

" Maybe some aspirin will solve the problem."

Squinting, Goku looked up at the owner of the voice.

" Hakkai?" Well he meant to say 'Hakkai', it came out more like an indefinable groan.

Luckily the curtains had been drawn so the 'evil', far too bright sun could no longer torment him.

Sitting up Goku gratefully took the glass of water with the already diluted aspirin and downed it in one gulp.

Looking around Goku noticed that he was once again in an unfamiliar room.

The room itself wasn't very big but seemed to have everything one needed.

There were two beds, a bathroom ( The door was slightly ajar) and a small table with a grumpy looking Gojyo sitting at it.

"..uhm..where..", a hand to his aching throat Goku cleared it also seeing that his wrists were bandaged.

" Where are we?"

" In the nearest inn we could find.", Hakkai answered.

Goku wanted to ask 'why' they were at an inn. Normally they'd be dragging him to a stupid hospital or they could have dumped him in Sanzo's church for awhile.

However he didn't think he could concentrate on the explanation right now.

" Are you feeling better? You had us all quite worried, you know."

" What he means is : Don't ever scare us like that again!", Gojyo interrupted loudly, far too loudly in Goku's opinion.

" You've already told me that.", Goku complained clutching his head.

" Stop repeating yourself, stupid kappa."

Hakkai and Gojyo shared a confused look.

'Probably because the insult only came out half-heartedly.', Goku thought.

Carefully getting out of bed - Gojyo would never stop laughing if he'd trip over his own two feet- Goku slowly made his way to the bathroom.

His vision had a slight tilt to it and he must have been swaying because the kappa jumped out of his seat to help him.

Gojyo didn't 'help' without a request and he never jumped to anything that had nothing to do with a woman and a bed.

After doing his 'business' Goku washed his face pleased by the cool water against his pounding head then decided to dampen a washcloth and hold it against his forehead.

A cold, metal circlet around his head got in the way a little.

" Damn Diadem.", Goku cursed under his breath.

…..Diadem?……What Diadem?

Surely not the Diadem that didn't exist because youkai didn't exist and that was a part of his own strange and slightly screwed up imagination.

Disbelieve written all over his face Goku stared into the mirror as the Diadem upon his brow stared right back.

" HOLY SHIT!"

Surprised by his own loud exclamation Goku quickly clammed both hands over his mouth.

'Please don't have heard it, please don't have heard it, plea..'

**Knock,** **Knock!**

" Goku? Is everything alright in there?", Hakkai's polite question stabbed through the tense silence.

'Damnit!', Goku swore this time inwardly.

" Yeah. Everything's fine."

Did his voice sound nervous or was he just imagining things?

" What are you yelling about then, stupid monkey?", Gojyo yelled obviously having not bothered to get off his seat.

Excuse! He needed an excuse and fast!

Searching the room Goku finally sought out the perfect bluff.

" They serve breakfast until eleven in this place!"

A relieved sigh and muttered curse of him filtered through the door.

Goku silently thanked the gods for being in a more posh inn than usual where they had little time charts in the bathroom.

( They exist, I've seen them and found it weird)

He was stuck in his illusion again.

This wasn't good.

He started pacing the small bathroom.

There was bound to be a logical explanation for this!

What would Nii say about this?--------------------- Hmm………………..

Who the hell knows what that creepy sicko would say?

Calming his nerves Goku decided to try and remember 'what' had happened.

Right.

So.. Gyukomen had been arrested and Izumi had just arrived and then..and then…

He'd had one of his strange dreams with the glass tube and green liquid only this time the tube was broken and his friends were there but dressed the way he remembered from his illusion and Jeep was a dragon.

Of course all this information told him……that he was either dead, in a coma or gone completely mad.

Personally Goku put his money on mad.

" I know. It's perfectly simple. I'll just rationalize my way out of this.", Goku muttered to himself.

'And stop talking to myself.', his own thoughts muttered back.

Our smart little monkey king had thought of the perfect solution.

" Nyoibo.", he said quietly not wanting to raise the suspicions of Hakkai and Gojyo.

As if by magic instead of his imagination his trusty Nyoibo materialized into his outstretched palm.

Part of the solution had been that Nyoibo shouldn't have appeared in the first place since Goku is absolutely certain that such a phenomenon is impossible.

( Well, Nii had thoroughly explained to him that such a phenomenon is impossible and everything Nii had told him made perfect sense if you looked at it logically….)

Since that theory failed Nyoibo shouldn't feel right. It shouldn't feel of anything at all.

Unfortunately Nyoibo felt like it was vibrating with energy and not existing things weren't supposed to feel that way.

Great.

He was back at square one.

A light knock on the door brought his attention back to his companions or..uhm..maybe illusions of his companions worried about him on the other side of the door.

" Goku, are you sure you're alright? Do you need any assistance?"

'Assistance' in a bathroom?---Gods, Hakkai could be really embarrassing sometimes.

Gojyo started laughing in the background but soon quietened down.

A sharp glare from Hakkai probably did the trick.

"I'm fine, Hakkai, really."

What was he going to do?

" Oi, monkey!", Gojyo said his voice easier to hear now. He'd probably finally got his arse up.

" Food's being served downstairs. Get a move on, I know you're hungry."

Typical Gojyo. Damn kappa thought every problem Goku had could be solved with food.

Just as Goku was about to rudely retort the hungry rumbling of his own stomach interrupted him.

Loud laughter rung in Goku's ears accompanied by stifled and slightly relieved giggles.

Not Hakkai as well!

Goku sighed. For now he decided to just play along.

He was hungry anyway.

The dinning room was very full. It was around lunchtime and this inn's restaurant seemed to be very popular.

Chewing on his meat bun, the one Goku had been munching on for the last five minutes, he looked around the place.

Everything looked real yet he knew it couldn't be real.

Or at least he thought he knew.

Again Goku caught himself staring at one of the traditionally dressed woman in the room.

They were probably dressed normally but the clothing looked so strange to Goku he just couldn't stop looking at it.

Suddenly his forehead was slammed against the table.

" Goddamn monkey stop staring at people! You're embarrassing us.", Gojyo yelled having lost his patience completely.

Fortunately Goku's migraine had more or less disappeared or there'd be roasted kappa for supper.

" Goku, you know it is rude to stare. Please behave.", Hakkai said also feeling slightly embarrassed by their companion's abnormal behaviour.

Goku muttered a 'sorry' before swallowing the still intact half of his meat bun whole.

Holding his head in his hands Gojyo grunted disapprovingly at him but was ignored since Sanzo entered the restaurant.

Sitting down at the table of his travelling partners Sanzo spared none of them a second glance and simply started reading his paper.

" So the almighty Sanzo finally graces us with his presence."

" Shut up, kappa. Better yet, drop dead."

The usual battle of wits, which was called a 'childish squabble' behind their backs by Hakkai and Goku, between the two started but Goku was no longer paying attention.

Before now he'd never noticed how weird Sanzo's robe looked. It reminded him of a fancy dress costume he'd seen in a shop window.

Why did monks have to wear such strange clothes anyway?

What did Sanzo's scripture say?

Maybe Goku couldn't read it because you can't read stuff in dreams.

Or was this reality because nothing so powerful and mysterious could be part of anyone's imagination not matter how wild this imagination may be?

" Hey, stupid monkey.", Sanzo called anger seeping into his voice.

" What the hell are you staring at?"

A faint blush on his cheeks for being caught staring at Sanzo of all people Goku quickly turned away.

He had to get a grip on things or else they'd start asking questions Goku wouldn't be able to answer without them truly doubting his sanity.

" Goku?"

" Hmm?", Goku mumbled another meat bun already in his mouth as he turned to Hakkai.

For some strange reason he was even more hungry than usual and he was sure such a state was impossible.

" Are you aware of what happened?"

Trust Hakkai to start the serious conversations.

" He's never aware of anything.", Sanzo grumbled behind his newspaper.

" He's plenty aware of food.", Gojyo added.

Hakkai frowned at them.

" Please keep your comments to yourselves for a moment. I know you're both immensely relieved that Goku is alive and well but the situation isn't sorted yet."

That surely did the trick.

Both grunted their denial and turned away.

Was Sanzo blushing?-----Nah, must have been the light or something.

Hakkai once again gave Goku his full attention waiting for the boy's response.

What was he suppose to say?

Yeah, I'm aware that this is all an illusion created by my own mind while in reality I'm stuck in some kind of coma or am maybe even dead and this is my afterlife.

Or perhaps I'm completely confused because you said this wasn't real and now it seems to be but it isn't---------

" This long silence is a definite 'No', Hakkai.", Sanzo said impatiently.

" I had feared so myself.", Hakkai said sighing worriedly.

" Does it really matter 'what happened'?", Goku interrupted.

If 'this' wasn't real then why should he care 'what' had happened because it hadn't really 'happened' happened.

Or something like that.

'Memmo to me: No more 'Relativity theory''

His companions stared at him as if he were a total moron.

" It was only a question you don't have to look at me like that!"

Hakkai cleared his throat gaining everyone's attention.

" About a week ago, Goku, during a youkai attack a man dressed as a scientist interfered.He attacked you with a strange device, I think it was an orb of some kind, and was able to trap you in it. Then he disappeared. We've been searching for you since and were able to free you from his laboratory…."

" Stop!". Goku yelled his hands over his ears. His headache was back pounding heavier with every word Hakkai said.

It was happening again.

Reality was being logicalized ( Is that a word? It is now) into an illusion and his illusion into reality.

They were staring at him again, surprise written all over their faces.

" It's nonsense. Complete nonsense."

" Goku. Please, let me try to explain it. I know you've been through a lot..", Hakkai said softly a reassuring hand on Goku's shoulder.

Goku shoved it off.

" Darn right I've been through a lot and I'm not going through it again." , Goku yelled standing up from the table not caring that he was making a scene.

His anger dominated his reason.

" You'll be telling me everything that happened during the past week was an illusion created by my mind next and that this is reality. Well I'm not falling for any of your lies again.

None of this is real and neither are you!"

Not waiting for their reaction Goku stormed out of the restaurant.

He neither knew nor cared where he was going he just needed to get far away from everything.

From his confusion and all the lies.

He couldn't trust a word his companions said because tomorrow he'd probably wake up in the other reality again in which the exact same people would be telling him the exactdifferent thing.

It hurt.

He felt betrayed, he was confused and no one could help him because everyone was hurting him with their lies.

With things going on like this he'd be better off locked away somewhere miles from any living being who was trying to hurt him.

At this thought Goku stopped dead in his tracks.

He'd thought like this before.

In the cave………..'If this were the deepest underground then I wouldn't ever have wished for the sun.'

……..

The cave.

Was anything outside the cave real?

He'd been in there so long he knew how real the cave was.

Compared to that the outside world seemed fragile and surreal. Wonderful but still surreal.

Had he really left his cave?

Sanzo had assured him for several years that he would never go back there but he had also said that youkai didn't exist.

He was still in the cave.

Shire terror ran through his veins at this realization and Goku fell to his knees.

For a long time he just knelt in the mud and stared into nothing because nothing was all he had.

His madness had finally caught up to him, hadn't it?

Hakkai, Gojyo, Jeep, even Sanzo had all been invented by his desperate mind, so desperate to be free that he'd created an entire universe so he wouldn't have to feel the cold stone behind his back anymore or the tormenting metal chains around his wrist.

But then…..then his mind became confused. After so many years of holding this reality up it must have been confused by it's own indefinable attack (the green orb thingy—chapter 1) and created another reality.

And now Goku had to face the truth.

………………….

………………….

He felt rain on his skin. Looking around him Goku noticed that it must have been raining for quite some time. A sniffling sound caught his attention only to then realize the sound came from himself.

He was crying. Not really much of a surprise, the stone prison was his worst nightmare after all.

Wet footprints came up behind him but Goku didn't turn around. It didn't matter anyway.

Friend or Foe he had neither.

The person crouched in front of him and buried a hand in Goku's hair.

The hand was warm, so much warmer than Goku.

" Are you lost little monkey?"

The familiar voice and hauntingly familiar question grabbed Goku's attention.

Looking up he stared into Gojyo's red eyes. His eyes were so full of life and intensity it caught Goku completely off guard. For a moment he just stared up at his former brother.

Was it really possible to imagine a life?

A small voice in the depth of his heart whispered: 'No, it's not'

Gojyo's voice echoed in his now clearer mind.

'Are you lost?'

" Yes. I'm totally lost.", his voice was hoarse and quiet but Gojyo responded.

" Well then, it's a good thing I found you."

Gojyo took hold of his arms and pulled Goku to his feet.

" You ready to go home?"

Goku blinked confused. "Home?"

" I mean to Sanzo and Hakkai."

Goku smiled shakily. "Home sounds good to me."

Gojyo wrapped his arm around the monkey's shoulders and headed back to the inn.

They walked in silence, Gojyo's arm always staying in place comforting Goku far more then he'd like to admit.

" Why are you being so nice?", Goku asked.

" Because you look like you've been to hell and back.", Gojyo replied no hint of a joke in his voice.

" I'm not sure I'm back yet."

Gojyo gave his shoulder's a light squeeze.

" Your sun will guide you back the rest of the way."

Goku's head whipped up to stare at the kappa.

" Don't look at me like that. I know exactly how you tick, stupid monkey."

Once again they fell into a comfortable silence.

"He was worried, y'know. I mean really worried. Not the subtle worry only people who know him well can see but the honest to god obvious worry."

" Sanzo?", Goku whispered confused.

" The stinking monk's changed. Changed a hell of a lot if you ask me. Ever since you were captured from that scientist nutter he's been gradually changing. I think you may have finally cracked him."

After entering the inn they headed upstairs to the room Goku had woken up in.

Voices could be heard coming from inside the room.

" Hakkai get out of my way I'm going to look for him again."

" Sanzo, we've been searching for hours with no success, it would be best to wait for Gojyo maybe he had better luck."

Without knocking Gojyo opened the door and walked in leading Goku in front of him.

" Of course I had better luck. Lady luck would never neglect her favourite water sprite!"

" Goku!", Hakkai exclaimed rushing over.

"Are you alright?" Concern shone in the tired green eyes.

He'd hurt them. Worried them.

" I'm not hurt but…" He wasn't alright. Probably never would be since he was stuck in a prison for all eternity.

Gojyo lead him over to where Sanzo stood then took Sanzo's hand and placed Goku's in it.

" Fix him.", Gojyo said sternly. "By tomorrow morning Hakkai and I want a fully functioning monkey."

He then went to the door and grabbed Hakkai's sleeve on the way.

The concerned healer resisted a moment.

" If you need us we'll be in our room down the hall." Then he let himself be dragged out of the room.

Sanzo and Goku were alone in the room still holding hands.

" You're soaked through."

" Am I?"

Lifting Goku's chin with his free hand Sanzo stared intensely at his face.

" And you've been crying."

"Oh." Goku didn't feel like saying more. He wasn't sure he could feel anything at all.

" Go dry off and put something dry on, too."

Goku mechanically did as he was told. Clad in his night ware Goku emerged from the bathroom only to be met with a heart aching sight.

Sanzo stood by the window cigarette in hand bathed in the moonlight. The rain had stopped a while ago but Goku wished it would have rained all night because then he wouldn't have had to deal with this breath taking scene.

This scene which was only in his mind.

Spotting Goku standing in the doorway of the bathroom Sanzo put out his cigarette and sat down on the bed.

" Come here.", the tone was soft but demanding so Goku obeyed as he always did.

He sat rigidly as far away from Sanzo as possible with his eyes fixed to the ground.

Sanzo grumbled something frustrated.

" Talk to me, Goku!"

Talk to him? And act crazier than he was already. He'd been talking to his imaginative companions for years, even had non children suited dreams of one of them.

They'd met many strange perverts on their journey but Goku now believed to be the worst of all.

" Talk to you about what? How about the weather?", Goku's voice was pained and mocking at the same time.

" Don't you think the rain came unexpectently? And it vanished just like…."

A pair of arms suddenly grabbed him and pulled him backwards.

Before Goku could finish his sentence he was lying in Sanzo's lap with his keeper's arms wrapped tightly around him.

Sanzo lay on the bed propped up by the bed's headboard and was petting his charge's head.

" Goku, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.", he whispered nuzzling Goku's temple. " And I want to help you."

" Let go.", Goku's voice was panicked. He struggled to get out of the embrace.

Stop torturing me. This isn't real.

"No." Sanzo's arms tightened.

" Let go of me!", Goku yelled.

No one would ever hold him because there was no one out there just stone walls and the merciless sun.

" Calm down. It's alright." Sanzo's voice brought him back from his thoughts.

Goku was crying again and shaking all over.

Annoyed by his weakness he quickly wiped the tears away and tried to stop the shaking.

How could he make this all stop?

Pulling himself up Goku hovered over Sanzo's face the monk's hands now soothing his back and holding his waist.

" You have to be honest." , Goku's voice was shaky, his emotions out of control. Sanzo nodded his expression serious. " Don't make fun of this because it will sound weird." Sanzo looked confused but nodded all the same.

" Are you real?"

" What?", Sanzo asked eyebrow raised.

" Are you real?", Goku repeated his voice serious. " I remember the scientist guy and the attack. When I woke up you told me that this world with youkai and stuff didn't exist.I believed you because everything said seemed logical and then I was back here.

This isn't real Sanzo and neither was the other place. You aren't real. I , my mind invented you because I couldn't bare being in the cave any longer. Don't you see? I never left the cave.

Still trapped.", he trailed off head resting against Sanzo's shoulder his fatigue catching up with him.

This explained his earlier outburst in the restaurant.

The room was silent for a moment while Sanzo considered how to respond.

" Why are you so sure the cave is real?"

Goku laughed humourlessly. " I spent too many life times wishing for it not to be real. It's the only thing I'm now certain of to be real."

In the other reality he had let the cave be interpreted as loneliness due to his 'Father's' neglect but who wouldn't grasp the first chance to be rid of one's worst nightmare.

" So Sanzo, are you real?"

" I don't know."

" What?", Goku was stunned. That wasn't the answer he had been expecting.

" There is no true definition for Reality. Maybe one's heart has to decide what is real and what is not when the mind is too confused to do so. That is at least what my late master would of probably said to this problem."

Goku stared at Sanzo shocked. Never before had Sanzo mentioned his late master like this or what kind of advice Sanzo had learnt from him.

Maybe Gojyo was right. Sanzo had changed.

" But what would you say to this problem?"

" Pain.", Sanzo said thoughtfully. "In a dream or illusion ,in this case, one can't feel pain so the reality in which you felt the most pain must be real."

Goku's heart sank for a moment he had thought everything could be alright.

" The cave then. You're not real after all."

" Hold it, monkey.", Sanzo said sternly lifting Goku's face up to look him in the eye.

" The cave is part of this reality, right? You didn't just wake up one day and find yourself in a completely different environment. I had to haul my ass up there to fetch you and the headaches you've caused me over the years are definitely real!"

" You're really real?", Goku asked hopefully.

" I'm really real.", Sanzo answered.

" I'm glad.", Goku said smiling before dipping his head down to catch Sanzo's lips in a desperate kiss.

Goku wanted reassurance and comfort.

Surprised the monk's eyes widened in shock then fluttered close as he responded to the kiss.

He had certainly changed since Goku had last seen him.

The kisses became more heated and in the middle of all the wonderous new sensations Goku found himself now under Sanzo his legs tightly wrapped around his keeper's hips and arms pulling away the blasted robe.

As Goku's hands roamed further Sanzo called a protest into the kiss.

Hands taking hold of Goku's wrists and already straddling the boy Sanzo managed to free himself for a moment.

" Slow down, monkey! Gods! Stop getting carried away before you end up in a situation you can't handle!"

Goku stared up at him trying to free his hands. He wanted this, he needed this to make everything right.

" Sanzo, please. I need..you're real…need to feel." His sentence made no sense but by the way Sanzo's expression softened he obviously understood. Goku didn't know why he needed Sanzo in this way he just did.

" Goku, you're not ready for this.", Sanzo said softly. " I'd be taking advantage of your emotional state if we carry on. I won't hurt you."

" Sanzo, please!"

TBC

Yes, I'm cruel but I won't be writing lime anyway, sorry I don't think I could.

However the question is when they wake up tomorrow morning have they done it or were they just cuddling because Goku's not ready?

Reviewers, yes there are one or two out there, this is your task.

Sex or no sex.


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